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A baby polar bear goes up to his dad and asks, “Dad, am I pure polar bear?” The dad...

Mon, 13 Jul 2009 11:40:59 -0400

A baby polar bear goes up to his dad and asks, “Dad, am I pure polar bear?” The dad replies, “Sure you are son. I’m all polar bear, my parents are all polar bear, your mom is all polar bear, and her parents are all polar bear.”

Still unsure the baby polar bear goes to his mom and asks, “Mom, am I pure polar bear?” She answers, “Of course you are honey. I’m all polar bear, your father is all polar bear, my parents are all polar bear, and his parents are all polar bear.”

Still not convinced the baby polar bear goes to his grandparents and asks, “Grandmom…Grandpop…am I all polar bear?” His grandmother answers, “Of course you are sweetie. We’re all polar bear, your mother is all polar bear, your father is all polar bear, and his parents are all polar bear. Why do you ask sweetie?”

The baby polar bears replies, “Because I’m fucking freezing!”

AHHH! Matthew! You’re going to break baby #2 if you...

Tue, 30 Jun 2009 16:50:11 -0400

AHHH! Matthew! You’re going to break baby #2 if you continue to hold her like that! Look at the way your beard holds the other one…the one you all clearly like more…now try to do that. Your children are already going to need exstensive therapy from all the crap your “wife” deemed appropriate to wear on T.V., don’t make it worse by bending her spine so early on.

Hug your children…especially if they are fat and no one...

Tue, 30 Jun 2009 00:15:52 -0400

Hug your children…especially if they are fat and no one likes them

This is possibly the greatest song I have ever heard. The fat kid sounds just like Lewis Black but he’s got red hair.

Look, Grim Reaper, It’s like a bullseye. She’s teasing you…don’t let her...

Tue, 30 Jun 2009 00:09:26 -0400

Look, Grim Reaper, It’s like a bullseye. She’s teasing you…don’t let her make you look silly http://twitpic.com/8t8r0

I would have been back to work on time, but someone put LSD in my salad" 10 Best Excuses for Calling in Sick

Tue, 30 Jun 2009 00:09:07 -0400

I would have been back to work on time, but someone put LSD in my salad" 10 Best Excuses for Calling in Sick

Moving day

Tue, 30 Jun 2009 00:08:38 -0400

Found a roach on top of the washing machine. Time to move…without the clothes currently in the washing machine.

Dear lil mama - kudos on the flashdance hair, tuxedo gloves...

Tue, 30 Jun 2009 00:08:14 -0400

Dear lil mama - kudos on the flashdance hair, tuxedo gloves & payless shoes, however, you forgot to put a boob in.

"It’s up in the morning And on the downs Little white clouds Like gambolling lambs And I am..."

Mon, 29 Jun 2009 10:52:12 -0400

“

It’s up in the morning
And on the downs
Little white clouds
Like gambolling lambs
And I am breathless over you

And the red-breasted robin
Beats his wings
His throat it trembles
When he sings
For he is helpless before you
The happy hooded bluebells bow
And bend their heads all a-down
Heavied by the early morning dew
At the whispering stream
At the bubbling brook
The fishes leap up to take a look
For they are breathless over you

Still your hands
And still your heart
For still your face
Comes shining through
And all
The morning glows anew
Still your mind
Still your soul
For still
The fare of love is true
And I am breathless without you

The wind circles among the trees
And it bangs about the new-made leaves
For it is breathless without you
The fox chases the rabbit round
The rabbit hides beneath the ground
For he is defenseless without you

The sky of daytime dies away
And all the earthly things
They stop to play
For we are all breathless without you
I listen to my juddering bones
The blood in my veins
And the wind in my lungs
And I am breathless without you

Still your hands
And still your heart
For still your face
Comes shining through
And all
The morning glows anew
Still your soul
Still your mind
Still, the fire of love is true
And I am breathless without you

”

- Cat Power

The Invention of Lying - Trailer (via monstersandcritics) This...

Mon, 29 Jun 2009 10:51:24 -0400

The Invention of Lying - Trailer (via monstersandcritics)

This looks great - and has amazing people in it: Jonah Hill, Jennifer Garner, Jason Bateman, Jeffrey Tambor, Christopher Guest, Patrick Stewart, Tina Fey, Rob Lowe, Ricky Gervais, Stephanie March, John Hodgman, Nathan Corddry, Stephen Merchant, Bobby Moynihan, Martin Starr (Roman from Party Down)

ah Rob Lowe…Even when you’re an utter asshole…you’re adorable.

I bet Oxy Clean will fix that green stuff

Mon, 29 Jun 2009 10:41:09 -0400

I bet Oxy Clean will fix that green stuff

(via hopelessromance)

Mon, 29 Jun 2009 10:40:26 -0400

(via hopelessromance)

"There’s a certain way a man stares at a woman he loves. The man looks like a boy on his birthday...."

Wed, 24 Jun 2009 00:02:45 -0400

“There’s a certain way a man stares at a woman he loves. The man looks like a boy on his birthday. And he treats the woman as if she were a gift that he’s wanted so long to open and now he can’t wait to see what the treasure is inside.”

- Emmanuelle Chriqui - 100 Girls